How can you recognize your worth in a world of perfectionism? Which practical tips can help you transform self-doubt and build self-worth instead? Have you tapped into your inner worlds of possibility?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses how to break up with “not enough” and foster your self-worth.
In This Podcast:
Unpacking the “not enough” belief
Unplugging from perfectionism and societal standards
Challenging negative self-beliefs
“What would you do if you felt enough?”
Unpacking the “not enough” belief
Many of us … we oftentimes land with this belief that we’re not enough. That we could do better, that we could be more … But I’m speaking [about] those moments where you don’t believe that you’re worth it.
Jennifer Froemel
Of course, there are many ways in which we can be “better” in the sense that we can improve our skills and do things more accurately or effectively, but this isn’t what Jennifer is talking about.
In today’s episode, the discussion is about low self-worth, and the feeling that some people sometimes have, which is of simply not being inherently enough, in who they are as people. That they don’t feel worthy of success, happiness, change, or improvement.
This is, unfortunately, sometimes a common feeling amongst people. In that sense, it is “normal”, but it is not something that you have to adapt to and integrate into your personal definition.
You can let go of limiting beliefs, feelings of worthlessness, and pursue greatness in your life because you know that you are, in fact, worth it!
Unplugging from perfectionism and societal standards
It is very common for us to imagine an ideal, society standard, and then to compare ourselves to it. In moments of doubt or fear, we may quickly jump to looking at all the ways we think we are not good enough before we look at what we could do well.
In that place, in that space, my standards [and personal beliefs] were that I sucked, that I wasn’t enough, and what I even thought I was doing, that I could summit [this mountain] … My perspective on perfectionism at that moment was insane!
Jennifer Froemel
Challenging negative self-beliefs
However, luckily, going from all the things we think we do poorly to the things we imagine we can succeed in is just a conscious mindset shift away.
You know what they say? Stop comparing yourself to others and only compare yourself now to yourself yesterday.
In that moment, I realized that I was starting to come back [to myself] and my level of emotional [self-assurance], “You can do this, girl!” was coming back. How many times is it that we find ourselves holding to this belief [of comparisons] and don’t challenge it?
Jennifer Froemel
You can unplug yourself from these external comparisons by challenging them! And bringing your attention back to yourself. Remember, the grass is greener where you water it.
Here are some affirmations that you can use:
I can do hard things!
I am improving
I see things differently now than I used to
I am trying something new
I did not absolutely fail!
“What would you do if you felt enough?”
What would you do differently if you believed today that you were enough?
Would you talk more kindly to yourself?
Would you treat yourself differently?
Would you approach your goals and obligations differently?
That is the beauty of the not-knowing, right? … And we when have self-worth, we’re still going to come into these moments where we’re like, “I suck, I’m not good”, but the hope is that it becomes just a blip on the screen, that it’s going to be part of your journey to enoughness, where you recognize that you have the inner capacity, the inner strength … You just have to dig and find it!
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
Podcast Transcription
Jennifer Froemel 00:00:00 The Fear of Change podcast is part of the practice of the Practice Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like the Sensitive in Nature podcast, go to practice of the Practice Network. Welcome to the Fear of Change podcast. I’m your host, Jennifer Cromwell, a therapist dedicated to helping you challenge your perspective. See, fear is only one option and discover that finding yourself is a lot of work, but totally worth it. In each episode will explore the depths of change, uncovering strategies to embrace it with confidence and resilience. So get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Let’s face our fears together and find the courage to create the life we truly desire. Thank you for joining me. Welcome back to the Fear of Change podcast. I’m your host, Jennifer Brummel, LC licensed clinical professional counselor. And I am back today with an episode about self-worth. And really, I’m hoping that I can help some people break up with the idea that they’re not enough.
Jennifer Froemel 00:01:28 And for some of you who are not quite sure what I mean by that, what I mean is that many of us, it’s a very human trait. We oftentimes land with this belief that we’re not enough, that we could do better, we could be more. And the reality is, is sure, you know, who couldn’t sign their signature in a nicer way? Who couldn’t fold a shirt more perfectly, who couldn’t Clean their bathtub better. Right. But that’s really not what I’m speaking to. I’m speaking to those moments where you don’t believe you’re worth it. That you really get stuck in feeling that you truly aren’t enough. And that leads, then, to fears. And so I want to share with you my self-worth moment. My not enough moment again. much like last episode, I go back to Nepal and on my journey to Mira Peak. We were in our first day, and I haven’t been hiking back in the Himalayas for some time. And we were starting hiking late because our flight got in late And we’re just moving along.
Jennifer Froemel 00:03:02 And lo and behold, our direction in terms of where we’re supposed to go on the path, we didn’t know. My guides didn’t know that the path was being altered because they were trying to make new inroads to this part of the mountainous region, and it took us so much longer to get to the the first village that evening that it ended up that we hiked for over an hour and a half in pitch black conditions, super slippery, super wet, lots of donkey and mule feces on the trail, on rocks, lots of leaves falling because it’s the fall. And so many times that day that I slept and really could have hurt myself, could have fallen, and really had done some damage. But my Sherpa, my guide more than anybody, Robin, was sure footed. And in that moment, I started to panic. And I also am over the age of 50. And for those of you that are over the age of 50, y’all know what I’m talking about. When the light of the day changes and your your vision changes, what you can see clearly in daylight becomes a big blurry mess in the night.
Jennifer Froemel 00:04:45 And there we were, amidst this backcountry, trying to get to this village. Pitch black, slippery, slippery, slippery. And the thoughts started coming in. Oh my God, what am I thinking? I can’t do this. We finally made it to the village. I did not die. I probably did maybe get a bruise from a slip and fall. But I was really in that moment, thinking all the negative things and the fear of how can I trust what can. How do I know? You know, these guys are thinking that I’m a big baby. So the next day, we get up and I’m trying to Taylor swift it and shake it off. And that evening. Oh my goodness, I didn’t even want to talk to my husband because I knew my voice was cracking. My voice was really, really a telltale sign of, Houston, we got a problem, and I might lie to my husband and said that I couldn’t talk too much and I couldn’t talk too loud. I had to whisper because I would wake people.
Jennifer Froemel 00:06:08 Now, there was a part of that. That was definitely true. The walls were thin and my counterparts were asleep or sleeping, and that was that was the true part. But the the fake part was that I couldn’t that I had to whisper. I knew that if I spoke with my normal voice, the voice you’re hearing right now, I would have broke and I would have started crying. Because in that very moment I really thought, what the hell am I doing back here? And how do I think I’m going to withstand another 12 days of this? Me, me, the person who seems to, you know, be the motivational cat poster. Yeah, I was there. I was in that space and I hung up from him and cried and fell asleep and woke up in the morning and thought, okay, okay, it’s a fresh day. Start again. And so we start on our track and we’re going along and I’m feeling better. Right. And I can clearly see things. But my intention that day was to not have to be getting to the village.
Jennifer Froemel 00:07:25 And when it’s pitch black I did not want that again. So I was pushing myself hard. And in the very beginning of the day, we were maybe 30 minutes into our trek. Maybe, maybe not even. And we get up to this part of of the track and I look up and it was pretty much almost a straight vertical. And it, it, it was and it was huge, and rocky. And you could tell that on one chunk of it, it was like Landslide. Right. So like the one side that there once previously were kind of hold spots for your feet and your hands not so much. And Robin, lovely, lovingly looks at me and says, oh, Jesus. And I said, no, no, no no no no, no. I’ve heard you say this already. You’ve said this a couple of times. What is a Hindu man saying, oh, Jesus about? And he said, this is hard to rain. This is really difficult. And yeah.
Jennifer Froemel 00:08:31 And I looked at him and I said, what? My mountain guide thinks this is difficult. And he said, yeah, because it is. And he said, why? What did you think? And I said, I thought I was a big baby. I thought I was a wimp. I thought you guys were looking at me thinking, man, what is she thinking she’s doing out here She’s never going to make it. And I realized in that moment that that was the I’m not enough that perfectionism that like because I’ve hiked out here before, this time I should just poof, plug into the my iOS software that oh yes, trekking in the Himalayas. Got it. Like I’m some robot. And what came forward were times in my childhood. You know on on sports teams and things like that where I literally felt like I was going to cave in if I went forward more. And lo and behold, I succeeded and I would win first place or whatever the case was. But how many times do we have this vision of how society standards look, and then compare ourselves to that, right? I have literally watched as our Sherpa carrying my bag of heavy stuff Life is like literally hop skipping and jumping on this kind of terrain.
Jennifer Froemel 00:10:00 And I did say a million times about how amazing it was to see him be like that. But yeah, he’s 23, not 52. Right. And it’s okay. And it’s even better that I honored him, right? Because that is pretty awesome. But in that place and that space, my standards were that I sucked. I’m not enough. And what do I even think I’m doing? Assuming that I can summit something, right? My perception on perfectionism in that moment was insane. And I have to say, we went up that straight shot, huffing and puffing the whole way. I was like a Thomas the Train tank engine. But I didn’t keep comparing myself to Robin. Or to my Sherpa Pushkar. I stopped. And in that moment, I realized I was starting to come back. And my my level of emotional cat poster self of like you could do. This girl was coming back. And how many times is it that we find ourselves holding this kind of belief and not challenging it? You know, I love it when my clients are, you know, I knew it.
Jennifer Froemel 00:11:34 I knew she was sick with, you know, diabetes. And I say, wow, how did you know that? How did you know she was sick with diabetes? Well, I didn’t. And then I’ll say, well, then when did you become that that knowing in that moment that that you’re now saying you should have known. And they go, oh my gosh. Yeah. How would I have known? I don’t know anybody with diabetes. I’ve never met anyone with diabetes. Oh yeah, you’re right Jennifer I or sometimes I’ll go, yeah, you’re right. You know, you I know you’ve been an oncologist for how long? Ten years now. You know, and people are like, oh, that’s not true. And I’ll go, right. So if it’s not true when I say it, why is it true when you say it? And this is that space that we get into, we believe that this evidence of I am not enough shows up so easily because again, as I mentioned, it’s a human trait, guys.
Jennifer Froemel 00:12:41 And as soon as that thought about perfectionism starts to pop in, like, that’s when we know we’re on that downward trajectory and it’s not pretty. So I want to talk about how can you identify that you are enough. Right. So some affirmations that I am enough that have helped other people is to say I’m improving. I see things different than I used to. I am trying in a different way. I didn’t absolutely fail. These are just kind of twisting and playing with our words. I said to somebody the other day who was stricken with panic and fear, and I said, but my question is, were you genuinely about to die? Well, I felt like I was going to die. How? Well, because my breathing got fast and short. And I said, okay, so you weren’t going to die. But you’re breathing. Getting fast and shallow led you to know something’s not right. But the something that wasn’t right was the belief that people are going to see that posted picture of you, and they are going to think what you thought, which is, oh my gosh, I look like I have a double chin.
Jennifer Froemel 00:14:16 How is that the same as I am going to die? And the person went, oh, it’s not the same. And I said, and socially it may have felt the same, right? From a social perspective, you may have felt the same because those societal standards, those you know, needs to be perfect, you know, to have the perfect pointy chin or whatever it is that you want to have. Just changing up the wording. Much like I said before, when you are addressing somebody in a very accountable way, but in a very mindful way. You’re changing your neurochemistry. You’re changing your nervous system. When we challenge that belief of I’m not enough, I suck. When we challenge that with, well, I’m not horrible. Well, I am doing better. Our cells in our body and our mind, they go, oh that’s different. I like that. Let’s keep doing that. And that’s where we find the power in challenging that belief. That’s where we find the power of therapy, coaching.
Jennifer Froemel 00:15:35 You know, being part of a community, a men’s group, a women’s group, a codependent group. Right. AA you will be surrounded by others or you will be in front of another person. If you’re coaching or therapy, who will hear what you’re saying and will say, wow, so it sounds like you really think you’re a hunk of crap. Well, yeah. So are you really a hunk of crap? Can you smell your arm right now? Does it smell like feces? Right. And we could make it seem lighter in that moment. Or just absolutely ridiculous. But typically, when we do that, in that kind of a setting, in that kind of a community where you’re surrounded by people supporting you, when we do that kind of transition, you know, it usually kind of brings forward like the laughter or like the oh my gosh, I am being ridiculous right now. What was I thinking? Right. And, you know, going back to my moment on the side of that, you know, up uphill chunk of terrain, you know, like.
Jennifer Froemel 00:16:50 well, Robin, I’m not doing good. I’m like, this is just the beginning of your second day, and you haven’t been back in a year and a half. Girlfriend, what are you thinking? Of course it’s hard, right? And it’s hard for me. And I’m your mountain guide. So this. Is that what happens when you believe you’re enough, right? So even when you shift it just a little bit to. Well, I didn’t totally suck. I got 60 points out of 100. You know, I could clearly make some improvements when we come to that spot where we start believing we are enough, guess what happens? We raise our own bar internally. And yes, while we are our own worst critics, the reality is we don’t have to beat ourselves down. We don’t have to kick ourselves when we’re down, but instead what we can do is say, and I’m getting better and I’m making that happen. Look at what I did from compared to last time. Right. So it’s so important that we’re able to notice that shift because as we talked before about the chakras, that our energy cycles in our body, right, our gut, our throat, our heart, our head, our third eye, right, our root chakra, when we have a shift to go from I can’t, I suck, I’m the worst to I’m doing all right.
Jennifer Froemel 00:18:37 We we strive a little harder. We push ourselves a little more. We smile a little more. So as I said, you are shifting your nervous system, you are shifting your nervous system. So I’ve had some people who have gone from like, man, I suck, you know, look at the job that I’m in. It’s just just sucking the life out of me to hold on. You know what? There are so many aspects of this job that I love. And then now I can easily see the parts that I hate. So now that I can see the parts that I hate, now I want to do something about them. Or now I want to try to off lift them. Right? I want to try to shift them to somebody else who might be better at it than me. And instead of me going, oh man, don’t I suck because I couldn’t do my whole job. Instead I’m saying, hey, I’m struggling and I really, really need somebody else to pick this, you know, pick this ball up and take some take it somewhere because I’m clearly not taking it anywhere fast.
Jennifer Froemel 00:19:47 right? And other people notice your shift in energy. So going back to that moment when we got to the top, I felt like I was in Rocky and I had just climbed the stairs in Philadelphia and was like, hey, you know, I felt so great that I got up there. Of course, I took off my jacket in the process and my shirt was already covered in sweat. And did I mention we were only like 30 minutes in to a seven hour day or six hour day of trekking? Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s true. But guess what? I had time to dry off as we continued, and there was going to be harder stuff that came up along the way that day. So that was kind of like, oh, I guess we’re going to do this at the very beginning and the very end. Right. But what happened was I got so rejuvenated Needed. And that’s what happens when you start to realize like, oh, I don’t totally suck. There’s really great things because then great things are what you start to think about the things that you want to see in yourself, the parts of yourself that you’re like when you’re in your best place, you’re like, oh man, that’s going to be me.
Jennifer Froemel 00:21:11 And it will be you because you will have shifted your energy. And other people will have taken note. And as they take note, they’re going to see and feel that difference from you. They might start leaning on you more so the the woman with the job thing. She said that her colleague was like, did you eat like something different this morning for breakfast? And she said, no, I just I just started to look at things from a different lens. And in doing that, I realize now I can do things. I can do hard things. And her coworker was like, I want to eat whatever you ate today. and I want to talk more about this. And so they did. So they started kind of having their own little meeting during lunch to talk about how they were noticing each other being different and celebrating it. You know, even with a, you know, a lunch meeting, they weren’t going out for lobster at lunch or, you know, some fancy steak. Instead, what they were doing was just sharing how it felt to be seen, how it felt to be different, and how they were in control of it.
Jennifer Froemel 00:22:32 So amazing. So, so amazing. So today I’m asking you, what would you do differently if you believed today? Maybe it was a really rough one for you. If you believed you were enough. What would your your vista be? Of yourself. What would you do differently? Would you treat yourself? Would you talk nicer to yourself? Would you smile more to yourself? Would you go up to someone that you’ve been wanting to talk to and share your enoughness in that moment? Would you not come home from work and go?
Jennifer Froemel 00:23:18 I’m so tired.
Jennifer Froemel 00:23:20 But instead you’d come home and be like, hey, give me a hug. Who knows? And that is the beauty of the not knowing. Right. We don’t we don’t always have to know, but we think we do. And when we have self-worth, we’re still going to come into these moments where we’re like, I suck. I’m not good. But the hope is, is that it’s a blip on the screen. The hope is, is that it’s going to be part of your journey to Enoughness, right where you’re going to be able to recognize that you have that inner capacity.
Jennifer Froemel 00:24:02 You have the inner strength. You just have to dig and find it and let it out of its cage. Because after all, at the end of the day, aren’t you worth it? I think you are. To realize your worth is to find your glory and find your joy. Well, if you have feedback input, please go to the Fear of Change podcast website and send us a message. I’m super happy to to field some questions on our next episodes coming up. So if it shows up or or heck, even make a whole episode about it. If you’ve got your ideas, please go to the Fear of Change podcast website and leave us a message there. You can also follow us on social media or on Facebook Instagram. I think we’re even on Pinterest. follow us there and throw out some ideas and we’ll we’ll capture them as you comment. And if you are so inclined to have some money that you would like to see be put to a good effort. Please join me. And by going to the website you’ll see the Fear of Change podcast.
Jennifer Froemel 00:25:22 You’ll see on listed there on our is the girl’s home in Kathmandu, Nepal. I’m going to be headed there again this August, and I will be meeting with the girls and their staff and training their staff, all on ways to help with trauma and minimize mice fear. And so please, if you have the the inclination to give, consider giving to the Aunt Hardesty home. And next episode we will be talking all about how to integrate your wellness into your whole self healing. So excited about this topic. I could talk about it for hours. and perhaps in the future may even have some folks on here who will be willing to share their own stories of how they got to be where they are today from their very own integrative wellness journey. And, I will see you next time and please be well and don’t fear the change. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Fear of Change podcast. I hope you found today’s discussion enlightening and empowering. Remember, change is inevitable, but how we respond to it is what truly matters.
Jennifer Froemel 00:26:52 If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with others who might benefit from our conversations. Join me next time as we continue to explore new ways to handle change and live our best lives. Until then, I’m Jennifer Brummel, encouraging you to face your fears and embrace the journey of self-discovery. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with understanding that neither the host, the publisher or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.
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