How can we overcome the fear of change rooted in childhood trauma? What’s the method to cultivating courage amidst change? Can you learn to embrace change through self-compassion and strategies for personal growth?

In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel speaks about fear from an unrecalled early childhood. 

In This Podcast:

• Reframing negative thoughts with strategies 
• Building safety in change
• Acknowledge your progress

Reframing negative thoughts with strategies 

 Reframe that thought. Instead of “I can’t because I’m not” … I want you to try [say to yourself], “Courage is built through action, and I can take small steps every day.”

Jennifer Froemel

Early childhood trauma affects our nervous systems and makes change feel unsafe. 

This is why coupling nervous system calming techniques with reframing narrative strategies are some of the most effective ways to help yourself overcome limiting beliefs.

You can try: 

• Somatic work 
• Deep breathing 
• Meditation 
• Mindfulness

When you combine these techniques with positive self-talk, you slowly allow yourself to rewrite the narrative that was set up when you experienced trauma as a child. 

The somatic work would help you to feel [safe and present] in your body, and feeling in your body means, “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable right now.” And [a somatic exercise like] shaking could help you to feel [and be back] in your body because shaking makes you aware. What we are looking for here is [for] that fear response to change so it feels less overwhelming.

Jennifer Froemel

Building safety in change

One of the best ways to start feeling safer and more confident in making and committing to change is to practice micro-changes. 

These little actions show your nervous system that change is not inherently bad or dangerous or painful, like how you potentially first experienced it when you were younger. 

Then we can also start rewriting our narrative … [Because] courage isn’t the absence of fear, it is taking action despite fear.

Jennifer Froemel

You can keep a fear-versus-reality journal. Write down what you are afraid of and then what happens. What you may see over time is that your fears hardly ever fully come to fruition. 

Things will never happen the same way twice; you are the only common denominator between your past and present. The only way that something could repeat itself is if you never allow yourself to change. 

So, inner child healing is a way for you to look at your younger self, understand the situation you were in, and recognize that now you are a different person who can have, and will have, different experiences. 

Acknowledge your progress

Each time you take small steps outside of your comfort zone, you also need to acknowledge what you are doing. Give yourself that [recognition] for actually taking that small step!

Jennifer Froemel

It is important to realize that fear from childhood trauma is deep-seated but not permanent. You can change your life in this way for the better by working through and releasing inner childhood trauma. 

The more that you show up for yourself, celebrate your wins, and take care of your nervous system so that it does not have a fear response to change, the more you are literally changing your life for the better! 

So keep going, because when you acknowledge your progress, you build up your confidence.

Sign up for our free course to help you get started. 

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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST

Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.

Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.

Podcast Transcription

Jennifer Froemel 00:00:00 The Fear of Change podcast is part of the practice of the Practice Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like the Sensitive in Nature podcast, go to practice of the practice. Com forward slash network. Welcome to the Fear of Change podcast. I’m your host, Jennifer Cromwell, a therapist dedicated to helping you challenge your perspective. See, fear is only one option and discover that finding yourself is a lot of work, but totally worth it. In each episode, we’ll explore the depths of change, uncovering strategies to embrace it with confidence and resilience. So get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Let’s face our fears together and find the courage to create the life we truly desire. Thank you for joining me. Welcome back everyone. Well, today I’ve got to talk about it. Managing the fear of change when it’s rooted in early childhood trauma and beliefs of us not being good enough or lacking courage. It really requires a mix of self-awareness, healing, and practical steps to get to this place. Jennifer Froemel 00:01:30 But before we get into that, what I really want to touch base on is the recognition that when we are growing up, things happen between the ages of zero and seven that we really are unaware of. We know things that happen we’ve recalled happening. However, as developing humans, We really don’t know how. We’re putting storage and storing things away. It just happens. Equally, we know that our functional frontal lobe of our brain is not fully developed. Therefore, when things happen as a child, we just install it however it comes up. So what might happen as it’s growing and growing up is you might develop these beliefs about yourself. Maybe you hear a parent saying something along the lines of no, you’re coloring outside the lines. That’s not appropriate. Or it could be something like, you know, your little friend Mike tells you, you got to try this. And if you don’t try it, he says something along the lines of like, you’re not courageous like Superman. And without us even realizing it. Jennifer Froemel 00:02:57 This message starts to change and create a potential core belief. So it’s so important for us to be able to understand that as adults or adolescents growing up, it’s understandable that we don’t know that these things are coming in and potentially creating problems for us. We don’t know, was it coming from a caregiver or was it coming from a teacher? Was it a criticism? Was it just a comment or a comparison to other people? Any of these things can create that little t trauma, that little t trauma that creates a core belief. So it’s important when we’re paying attention to ourselves that we ask ourselves, is this belief absolutely true. And right now I’m feeling all the feelings. As I know many of you are recognizing that these massive shifts and changes are occurring, whether we want them to or not, whether we’re in agreement with them or not. Change, again, creates for us this inevitable sense of question is it good change? Is it bad change? Does it matter? It’s change. So the thing that I want to cover today is the reality that you might, in fact, think that maybe because your partner tells you I really need our relationship to get back to this, whatever that this is. Jennifer Froemel 00:04:40 And you may or may not realize that in that very moment, what ultimately is happening is your partner is trying to connect to you. But if connection early in childhood gave you a distorted view of yourself, and then that kept happening over and over. As you grow up, you may in fact have a core belief that you really need to challenge. So what I want to talk about today is reframing that thought instead of I can’t because I’m not courageous. I can’t because I’m not Superman. I want you to try instead to think courage is built through action, and I can take small steps every day. That early trauma often affects our nervous system, and it makes changing feel unsafe. So practices like deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness, and somatic work. And what I mean by somatic work is actual movement in your body. So shaking your body, stretching your body, allowing your breath to settle down and be slow and deliberate and feel all those parts that when your nervous system gets triggered. So again, nervous system triggering could send a message of unsafe. Jennifer Froemel 00:06:11 So the somatic work would help you to feel in your body. And feeling in your body means, oh, I don’t feel comfortable right now. So shaking could help you to suddenly feel in the body. And sometimes shaking makes you aware, right? What we’re looking for here is that we want that fear response to change, so it feels less overwhelming. We also don’t want it that when someone says, hey, I really want this part of a relationship to come back. I’m doubtful that your partner is wanting you to absolutely change everything about yourself right there saying, I miss you. I miss this part of us. So you saying I can take small steps, that might mean you’re more intentional, even with yourself? Deep breathing. There’s so many types right now that people can do. there’s butterfly breathing. There’s breathing through all the way down to your diaphragm, where you then breathe and fill your lungs all the way up to almost where you feel it in your clavicle. But all of it requires that you are in contact and connection with your nervous system. Jennifer Froemel 00:07:39 What do I mean by that? Right. I think for many people they’re like, you are speaking another language, lady. But what I mean by that is that our nervous system sends us messages. So, for example, I might start to feel tension in my gut and my stomach. I might start to squeeze my stomach. I might also start to hold my breath. I also might start feeling the tension building up in the back of my throat. That all connected might lend itself to me crying. But if I believe that crying is a symbol of failure or a symbol of inadequacy, I might get more tension in my throat than ever before, because I’m trying to stop from where my body is normally naturally going to do to settle down the nervous system. So sometimes people say things like a good cry. What they mean by that is that a good cry is sometimes helpful for the nervous system, because it tells you you’re paying attention to the kind of nervous system. So deep breathing is really helpful. Jennifer Froemel 00:09:02 Most humans, believe it or not. Oftentimes they’re just sitting and doing work, are holding their breath. Equally, when people talk, they don’t oftentimes breathe. So I think it’s really helpful for people just to pay more attention to your breath. And we’ll definitely be talking more about our breath over time. But it’s really important that we are able to do that. Now meditation and mindfulness. You’ve heard me talk about both of them before. Meditation does not mean you have to be a Buddhist monk who lives in the Himalayas. It just simply means that you for a moment purposefully ground your feet to the floor. Open your eyes. Breathe slowly. Intentionally. And maybe just stare at a tree. You’re not judging the tree. You’re not doing anything other than just looking and breathing and feeling connected. That is somewhat of a meditation. I like to call it tree centering. Because the reality is, is trees are just as complex as we are. Well, okay, maybe we’re more complex, but. Trees and their systems are complex, just like we are. Jennifer Froemel 00:10:22 So I like to center with a tree. Mindfulness is where we are mindfully breathing, meaning we’re paying attention to the breath that comes in and out of us. We’re paying attention to thoughts that might come in and out of our mind, and we’re not fixating on them. We’re not trying to solve them. We’re not even writing them down. We’re just kind of letting them in and out like a train in a train station. No judgment. Just feeling into the body and knowing that the mind and the body are connected. So all of these things help you work with your nervous system. The next thing that we want to look at is building safety in change. So again, what we’re doing now is we’re saying, hey self, I can begin step by step, moment by moment to have more courage. So it’s like instead of diving into big changes, creating micro changes that feel manageable. For example, if you fear speaking up, start by practicing with a friend, maybe saying to your friend, you know, I really didn’t want to go eat chick fil A today, but I did it because I knew you wanted to. Jennifer Froemel 00:11:44 Tomorrow I’d really, really like to go and get a salad at the local diner. It’s a small step, and you’ll see if, in fact, your friend is a trusted friend, they’ll be like, dude, I had no idea that it bothered you that much. Whenever you just go wherever I want to go and you can then say, well, honestly, sometimes I don’t mind because I probably wouldn’t have gone there and I get to learn something new. The other thing is we can start rewriting our narrative again through action. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s taking action despite fear, keeping a fear versus reality journal, writing down what you’re fearing, and then what actually happened? You know, I think sometimes a lot of times We over time see that the fear didn’t really actually come true, and it delayed us from actually feeling like we were courageous. So practice acting as if you were courageous again. What small thing would that be? So going back to the example of your friend just telling your friend what you really wanted to eat today, even if that was something scary for you, that would be your small act of courage that you practice that day. Jennifer Froemel 00:13:14 So again, we’re not saying I’m not saying that your parents are all bad and they all didn’t know how to parent you. And that’s why you have to do inner child healing. It’s truly that. The reality is no kid comes out with a manual telling a parent how to parent that child. So inner child healing is just simply a way for you to look at that younger self. You know, you could look at the younger self that always was fearful of getting in trouble. So you never did anything naughty and got away with it. So you challenge yourself now by being able to look at the younger self and maybe, just maybe, think about that time that your friends were saying, come on, let’s go do it. And your little self said, no way, I can’t do that. And then you started to feel closed out of that circle of friends because you thought, you can’t do it, you’ll get in trouble. But if you are able to really look at your inner child, you can say, Conceivable. Jennifer Froemel 00:14:33 What if I did allow myself to go and do that and nothing bad happened to my friends? And today you say to yourself, you know, try it. You’re enough. You’re always there and you always have been there. And allow those activities that allow you to feel childlike, allow those things to come back in. So if the thing was is like, you know, your mom said you couldn’t go out after dark, why not go for walks as it gets dark outside and then you can see it’s okay to go out for walks at night and look at you breaking the rules, right? The other thing of course you could do, you know, I’m going to say is therapy. Some of the therapy that we recommend would be like eMDR, internal family systems for Cognitive behavioral trauma focused work. I like accelerated resolution therapy. All of those methods can be transformative for rewiring those trauma based fears. You know, some of you might find yourself getting into a space like going to an outdoor fair, and suddenly you feel overwhelmed by the fact that there’s you’re surrounded by people. Jennifer Froemel 00:15:58 The thing that most people tend to do to get through it is they figure out a method. Some people will figure out a method of, I don’t know. Some people figure out a method of, I’m going to take this medication so that I can go. Some people might even engage in substance use outside of medication, like alcohol, marijuana, so they can take the edge off. Now, the thing that I will say is that if we’re truly looking to rewire trauma based fears that, again, were installed early in life that you really might not have memory about doing the medication, doing the substance use. It’s kind of really kind of burying what truly may have happened to bring about that fear. So I would really recommend that if, in fact, you are looking at doing this work, doing eMDR, accelerated resolution therapy, internal family systems work, trauma based CBT work, that’s likely going to require you to come in in person. not just over telehealth. And it’s also likely going to require you to feel discomfort. Jennifer Froemel 00:17:15 For example, a client of mine really struggle to go to the grocery store. I suggested that the client just start by leaving the house, going to the sidewalk that they would step on to get to the grocery store. Feel what that feels like, knowing the intentions are, in fact, to get to the grocery store and then go back in the house and let’s talk through how that felt to do step one. This would be something we could do during eMDR use or accelerate resolution therapy or internal family systems work all surrounding what were the messages as we started, integrate and move you into doing these things. The other, of course, would be like support groups or communities focused on growth. So again, if you have a agoraphobia where you’re afraid to leave your home, you could start going to a agoraphobia groups. Maybe they start online. Maybe then you start going in person to the group, right? Moving yourself into the direction of actually doing what you want to do, achieving the things that you’re wanting to achieve each time you take small steps outside your comfort zone. Jennifer Froemel 00:18:43 You also need to acknowledge what you’re doing. Kind of giving yourself that, like attaboy for actually taking the small step outside your comfort zone and also having evidence of courage. Build your confidence. I think it’s important to realize that fear from childhood trauma is deep seated, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Now, some people think, you know, I’ve gone to six therapy sessions. I’ve talked it out. I’m good enough. But the reality is, when we have deep seated childhood trauma, we’re kind of knocking out a layer of the trauma at a time. And depending on your age, well, maybe you need a year for every age that you are. I don’t know. Everybody is different, but I think the bigger piece is is being able to look at things from a lens of, when I started this process in 2024, I was never leaving my house. Now I leave five days a week and I’m out of my house for three hours each day. That’s a pretty big change. Does that mean that that’s your end gain and that’s all you can do? No, but it’s a step. Jennifer Froemel 00:20:01 And acknowledging it builds confidence equally. Having self-compassion. Being able to say, wow, my mom may have said I was being naughty by going out when she said that I shouldn’t. The reality is, is you now, as an adult, are able to say my mom was super anxious and so I can have self-compassion today to say I’m going to be okay. And look, I walked outside and I do it every week at nighttime and I’m okay. The other thing is, is you can redefine your relationship with change. The number of people that say things like, I can’t change. I just, I want to hug them because the reality is everyone can change. But you have to want to. And I want you to think about the fact that it’s really just one small step at a time. And I wonder, as we look at today, what’s one small step you feel ready to take? Asking yourself, what am I willing to try. What am I willing to step into? Remembering that sometimes saying no. Jennifer Froemel 00:21:28 Allows you to say yes to other things like yourself. Oh, I can’t do that. Because if I do that, you know, my kids will get mad at me. And then you do it. And they’re not mad at you. They’re actually happy because you come back happy. These are the small things that I’m speaking to. I’ve realized I have neglected to share with all of you all that if you go to the Fear of Change website, you actually gain access to our workbook. And it’s an online process and way for you to look at how you can make incremental change happen, rather than continuing to fear it. So I invite you to go to the Fear of Change Podcast. I’m sorry. It’s the fear of change.com where you can then go to the section of the website where we actually have the workbook and begin that process. And that is also a space where you can engage with me by putting comments for, you know, asking, to under our course, you can actually do a contact us reminder, and say what it is that we’re looking at. Jennifer Froemel 00:22:47 It’s a five week embrace change email course. So start tuning in and turning fear into confidence. And remember, while change might be difficult, the reality is you’re worth it. Thanks for joining me. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Fear of Change podcast. I hope you found today’s discussion enlightening and empowering. Remember, change is inevitable, but how we respond to it is what truly matters. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with others who might benefit from our conversations. Join me next time as we continue to explore new ways to handle change and live our best lives. Until then, I’m Jennifer Brummel, encouraging you to face your fears and embrace the journey of self-discovery. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with understanding that neither the host, the publisher or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.