What happens to our long-term romantic partnerships when we begin to grow and change? Are the tensions you’re experiencing a sign that something is wrong, or simply that something is changing? What happens when you stop hiding your growth, and start inviting your partner into it?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses love after transformation and how to stay connected as you grow.
In This Podcast:
- When you change, your relationships change too
- Why does transformation challenge relationships?
- Signs that you may be growing faster than your relationship
- Final takeaways for listeners
When you change, your relationships change too
Here’s the truth: personal growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. When you change, your needs shift, your boundaries strengthen, your tolerance decreases, your values deepen, your emotional world expands, and your communication evolves.
Jennifer Froemel
We can’t develop as people and not have that change overflow into our relationships, because the people in our lives relate to us based on who we are. When that changes, the relationships will change too.
That is another reason why some people avoid or suppress their development, because they don’t want to lose someone.
However, when you really step into who you are and want to become, the right people will stay, and more of the right people will come into your circle.
We’re really going to talk about how to stay connected, deeply, lovingly, and intentionally … While we’re also honoring our own evolution.
Jennifer Froemel
Why does transformation challenge relationships?
The simple answer is: a person’s transformation will change their relational dynamics.
As we are growing and changing and shifting, what ends up happening is the parts of us that maybe previously would put up with something … Maybe back then there was far more of you willing and wanting to do for your partner, and as you transformed and time went on, you come to a space of saying … “Why don’t they fold their own damn laundry and put it away?”
Jennifer Froemel
The relationship isn’t failing, but the template is changing.
This is where in couples’ work, therapists can help partners understand that they are changing, and if they want to continue to stay together, adjusting and evolving is necessary.
You’re not the exact same version of yourself that maybe your partner had bonded with, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just means that the relationship needs to evolve as well. Most relational tension during growth comes from mismatched speed of growth.
Jennifer Froemel
It is important to remember that this mismatch, and this potential conflict with your partner, isn’t bad; it is just information. This is valuable data that you and your partner can use to find your way back to one another, and forward again, and be on the same page.
Signs that you may be growing faster than your relationship
These are some signs that the “template” of the relationship may be changing because you are evolving as a person:
- Things that used to feel fine now feel off, or misaligned
- You want emotional interconnectedness, but you’re not sure how to let your partner know that
- You may be craving authenticity instead of the routine
- You may be setting new boundaries that your partner isn’t used to
- There may be questions you are asking that you never asked your partner before
- There may be moments of loneliness while you are sitting with your partner
However, these are not signs that the relationship needs to end! It just shows that the relationship has evolved, and that some teamwork and communication are needed to get both partners reconnected.
If you are the one going through the change, talk about it with your partner.
We can say, “This is what I’m learning about myself”, you know, just sharing some insights, not demands.
Jennifer Froemel
Final takeaways for listeners
Sit with these questions:
- How has my personal growth shifted what I need in a relationship?
- Is my relationship evolving with me, or is it asking me to stay small?
- If I share my change with my partner, will they grow with me?
Your transformation doesn’t break connection, hiding yourself does.
Jennifer Froemel
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
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CONNECT WITH ME
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
