What happens when personal growth changes the relationships that once felt natural? How do you know when a relationship is no longer aligned with who you’re becoming? When that realization comes, how do you honor it without guilt?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses outgrowing relationships and what to do when your personal growth changes everything.
In This Podcast:
- What it means to outgrow a relationship
- Four common relationships we tend to outgrow
- Some signs you may have outgrown a relationship
- Reflective questions to ask yourself
What it means to outgrow a relationship
When we talk about what it really means to outgrow a relationship … [It’s] not necessarily that the person is toxic or bad; it just means that the current version of you is no longer compatible with that old relationship dynamic.
Jennifer Froemel
These could be any relationships, from partners to family members, family friends, and anyone else. These can be tough transitions, because sometimes there isn’t an exact moment or issue that causes the split to shift.
It is just that you have changed, become a different version of yourself, and being honest with yourself may mean that this relationship has run its course.
Four common relationships we tend to outgrow
Jennifer lists four common relationship types that people tend to outgrow:
- Relationships that require you to overgive of yourself
- Environments and relationships that depended on you being quiet, small, or unopposing
- Energy-draining relationships
- Stagnant friendships that depend on you always showing up
There are a lot of people out there who rely on your stability but don’t offer their own. Those are energy vampires.
Jennifer Froemel
Some signs you may have outgrown a relationship
If you feel that you may be outgrowing a relationship with someone in your life, these are some signs that you may be noticing:
- You have to censor yourself, such as your joy or your pain
- The conversations feel repetitive, draining, and surface-level
- When you feel smaller and not bigger around them
If you have to censor yourself and you can’t talk about those things, that’s an indication that you’ve outgrown a relationship.
Jennifer Froemel
- If you feel responsible for the person’s emotions
- When your nervous system is activated around them, and not calm
- When you justify why you are still in this relationship
- When you feel lonely in the relationship
It’s where you ultimately find [that] your body is telling you the truth before your mind does, and that’s where letting go feels so incredibly hard, you know, even when you know you’ve outgrown a relationship.
Jennifer Froemel
Reflective questions to ask yourself
If you want a bit of extra guidance on how to navigate these shifting relationships, and to help you figure out what to do, ask yourself these questions:
1 – Who was I when this relationship was formed?
2 – Who am I today?
3 – Is that relationship sustainable or aligned with who I am becoming?
Your body knows the truth. Your body knows what serves you and what doesn’t … The soul speaks in whispers, and it often whispers for a really long time before you start to hear it.
Jennifer Froemel
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
