Has being silent ever felt safer than speaking your truth? What is the cost your body and mind bear of being “the easy one”? How can you tell the difference between silence and peace?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses coming home to yourself: “your voice isn’t missing.”
In This Podcast:
- Has speaking truthfully ever felt dangerous?
- The difference between silence and peace
- The cost of being the “easy one”
- Mind and body partnerships
Has speaking truthfully ever felt dangerous?
For many women, being honest, upfront, and truthful about what they feel is not easy. They may even say it’s awkward, uncertain, unwelcome, and sometimes even dangerous.
Dangerous in the way that it could totally upend their world, especially if they have built it around what other people want and expect of them.
I guess I learned that keeping the peace was safer than telling the truth. There it was. Not a lack of confidence, a brilliant adaptation: she wanted her father’s acceptance. She wanted to feel loved. So what once protected this little girl was quietly limiting the grown woman.
Jennifer Froemel
It becomes necessary to know the difference between silence, not speaking your truth, and peace.
The difference between silence and peace
A lot of people confuse silence with peace.
[Silence and peace] are not the same thing … Silence is the absence of conflict; peace is the presence of authenticity, and those two realities can look remarkably similar from the outside, but they feel very different on the inside.
Jennifer Froemel
If you don’t speak the feelings you have and never share what things really feel like and what they mean to you, your body may begin to speak on your behalf. When people ignore, suppress, or silence their truths and authenticity, they may begin to:
- Feel anxiety
- Get sick
- Cry easily
- Become frustrated easily
- Disassociate
One day, this could all lead you to wonder: “Why do I no longer feel like myself anymore?” which is what Jennifer calls “The cost of being the easy one.”
The cost of being the “easy one”
Children are clever, and they can learn to resemble a type of perfection in a huge effort to maintain the tiny bit of normalcy they may have in tumultuous lives.
Sadly, their parents or teachers may begin to depend on them for their near-perfection, and on them being “easy children.”
What often happens is that these “easy” kids suffer the consequences of never having the opportunity for authenticity as they grow up into adults.
Those children often become adults who struggle to answer one simple question: “What do you want?” Not because they don’t have preferences, but because they’ve become so freaking skilled at noticing everyone else’s stuff that it’s hard for them to notice their own.
Jennifer Froemel
Mind and body partnerships
Because the mind and body are a united system, when there is an imbalance, you feel it. If you are mentally stuck in stress, not feeling your emotions, or not speaking your truth, your body will make you feel how you aren’t being authentic.
That internal conflict is exhausting. It contributes to chronic tension, difficulty sleeping, mental fatigue, persistent anxiety, and sometimes even changes in heart rate variability … The body keeps preparing for a battle that may no longer exist, which is why healing isn’t simply changing your thoughts: healing involves helping your nervous system get new experiences and evidence that [it is safe to speak].
Jennifer Froemel
Your body needs you to help it feel safe to navigate:
- Disagreeing
- Speaking openly and honestly
- Saying “no” to someone
If you never rewrite the script, your body and mind may keep replaying the old narrative and reacting the way it always has to past events. If you want a new reaction, you need to show your body that it is safe.
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
Thanks For Being Here – Gratitude for a Life-Saving Donation Podcast Episode
Thanks For Being Here – A Full Circle Kidney Donation Story
Donate to Jennifer Froemel’s Lifesaving Work in Nepal
Practice of the Practice Network
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
