Could being fired become your biggest breakthrough? Are you measuring your worth by your achievements? How do you help men move from fear to action?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses navigating men and fear with Jon Waller.
Meet Jon Waller
Jon Waller is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and founder of New River Counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. With more than 20 years of experience in mental health, he specializes in helping men navigate anxiety, self-doubt, relationships, and major life transitions. Jon draws from evidence-based approaches including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, trauma-informed care, and inner child work to help clients build confidence and create lasting change. He also serves as an instructor for The REAL Courses and as Senior and Support Group Manager at the Faulk Center for Counseling, where he helps train the next generation of therapists.
Visit New River Counseling and connect on Instagram. See also Jon’s blog.
In This Podcast:
- Changing being fired into freedom
- Turning “failure” into opportunity
- How to work successfully with men in therapy
Changing being fired into freedom
One of the ways Jon has personally experienced intense fear, a pivotal moment in his life, was when he was fired from a job for speaking his mind.
Jon learned from his father not to cause trouble, and to be a “good follower,” which may have been intended to help him in his life, but ended up causing him more distress and uncertainty, especially as a young man trying to find his way.
I’ve always been a good worker; again, you know, you’ve got to be a good leader, a good follower, and get out of the way, so being fired is a nightmare. But, [now] I call that one of the best days of my life, because it got me out of a miserable situation.
Jon Waller
When it comes to no longer living in fear, and coming out of fearing the change, you’ve got to ask yourself:
- Whose narrative am I living my life through?
- What is the story I am telling myself about who I am, and how I should live my life?
- What is actually good for me?
While being fired was initially a terrible ordeal for Jon, it opened him up to the possibility, chance, and the acknowledgement of his desire to go his own way.
Turning “failure” into opportunity
Jon explains that the common issue that most men generally face is tying their self-worth to their achievements. Many men feel unworthy when they “fail” or don’t succeed in the way that they’ve envisioned will give them the value that they desire.
How I use my failure story [is] to understand that failure isn’t the proof that you have no worth, [or] that you have no value: failure is just an opportunity to learn. It is just the start of a new plan, so to speak.
Jon Waller
This is the logic behind the change of turning failure into opportunity, which is to employ a growth mindset.
However, the heart of the matter goes deeper: Jon creates spaces for men to connect with their emotional selves in moments of feeling unworthy, and rewrite the script at the core.
Men need to mentally understand and emotionally feel that “failure” is just an attempt at learning, and has no reflection on who they inherently are.
So much of life is “failure”; it’s learning, and the two really are symbiotic.
Jennifer Froemel
How to work successfully with men in therapy
For Jon, one of the most essential things therapists need to offer their male clients is practical steps and tools they can use.
It benefits them to have activities they can do, especially when they are learning to get in touch with their emotions and feelings. The doing leads to the emotion.
Men really want that action: “What’s an action I can take? Yeah, I can sit with my feelings and journal or whatever, but what’s an actual thing I can do to make my life a little better?” So I typically start there, more behaviorally.
Jon Waller
Whether it is regarding what men can start doing, stop doing, or do differently, either in their personal lives and habits or in their relationships, concrete advice and steps are needed over and above encouraging their emotional well-being.
Remember that while moments of change and fear are inevitable, we retain our power when we know that it’s how we respond to it that makes it worthwhile.
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
Visit New River Counseling and connect on Instagram. See also Jon’s blog.
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
