When did being “nice” become more important than being yourself? What if your feeling of invisibility comes from learned behavior that you can unlearn? How can authenticity break the mold of invisibility?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses the invisible woman: “How did she become invisible?”
In This Podcast:
- How do women leaders become invisible?
- The body stores the emotional turmoil
- Invisibility is learned behavior
How do women leaders become invisible?
We become invisible through thousands of small moments where belonging becomes way more important than authenticity.
Jennifer Froemel
Let’s start at the beginning with being raised as girls: young women are taught, rewarded, and welcomed into the world by being “nice”.
Girls are told (and taught) to be agreeable, helpful, not bossy or dramatic, and not to hurt people’s feelings.
Where boys are praised for being independent leaders, girls are often praised for being self-sacrificing, selfless, and always available.
What we’re seeing here is in how we teach girls; we teach them … That passive, self-abandoning powerlessness, and in our boys, we teach them … all about the fact that they have this capacity.
Jennifer Froemel
In this way, we do our girls a disservice because they are taught that becoming a leader means becoming self-abandoning, which is one of the main roads to becoming socially invisible and emotionally neglected.
The body stores the turmoil
Women, Jennifer explains, are also more likely to physically store stress because their bodies are not given the social permission to express and move freely through all their different emotions.
The [women’s] body begins storing stress because authentic impulses are repeatedly suppressed. Women learn, “I feel angry, but I shouldn’t talk about it. If I talk about it, I’ll be perceived as aggressive or frustrated, and no one’s going to like me” … But that energy has to go somewhere, and that’s the biggest piece here.
Jennifer Froemel
Women leaders, if they are not expressing themselves authentically, may experience:
- Migraines or headaches
- Digestive issues
- Fluctuating bodyweight
- Neck and muscle tension
- Sleep disruptions
Invisibility is learned behavior
Here is what it all comes down to: invisibility is learned, and therefore it can be unlearned.
I think it’s so important here that all of you [can] hear that your invisibility was learned, and it can be unlearned, and I went through that myself and I’ve helped so many other women through that, in helping them to realize that they don’t need to just show up as the good girl. They need to show up as who they genuinely are.
Jennifer Froemel
Sure, if you stop being the “nice” and “agreeable” woman all of the time, you may run into some snags when people want you to be different than who you are. However, that’s to be expected.
You will hit problems no matter which way you turn, but it is up to you to decide whether the problems you encounter stem from being true to yourself or from trying to please others.
As long as you know that you’re being authentic and you’re being true to yourself, it will pay off in the long run. I really welcome you to do some of the things that are necessary, such as listening to the self, feeling in the body, and allowing that feeling to show up, attending to it, and nurturing it.
Jennifer Froemel
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
