Have you ever asked yourself, “What happened to who I used to be? How did I become invisible?” Do you sometimes feel like you don’t know who you are anymore?
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Froemel discusses “the invisible woman” in the Coming Home to Yourself series.
In This Podcast:
- Questions beneath the question
- Misconceptions about losing ourselves
- “Why did it happen?”
- Where you can cross the bridge
- Jennifer’s reflection
Questions beneath the question
First, a woman may say, “I’m exhausted, I’m burned out. I feel empty, with nothing left to give,” to which the response may be to book her off from work and take a holiday.
However, this pain and disconnect run deeper.
Often, the question beneath the question of feeling burned out, exhausted, and invisible is: “When did I stop belonging to myself?”
I think that’s probably one of the most important questions a woman can ask, because it shifts the conversation. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” it’s, “What happened to me?” Those are profoundly different questions. One invites shame while the other invites understanding.
Jennifer Froemel
Misconceptions about losing ourselves
We don’t disappear and turn invisible overnight: it is a slow, gradual process.
As Jennifer explains, one of the biggest misconceptions about losing yourself is that we imagine it happens due to a dramatic event, such as a divorce or diagnosis.
While those moments are defining and dramatic, the shift into invisibility for many women is more insidious than a loud moment.
Over the years, sometimes decades, they begin creating a life that looks successful from the outside while strangely feeling unfamiliar internally … We rarely wake up one morning and discover that we’ve disappeared. We usually disappear one accommodation at a time.
Jennifer Froemel
The core issue is that while most women have many roles that they play, such as mother, daughter, friend, partner, the problem is that people forget the woman as a person beneath all that she does for others.
“Why did it happen?”
Why do so many intelligent, caring, and loving women lose touch with themselves as life goes on?
One of the greatest gifts of understanding gives us this: it replaces self-judgment with self-compassion, and compassion is where the healing begins.
Jennifer Froemel
If you have ever looked at your life and wondered how you ever became so disconnected, let’s begin by offering you hope that you will return home to yourself. You deserve to look at the full story before you judge yourself for its ending.
So, one of the most compassionate questions you can ask yourself is:
- What happened that made this response make sense?
Notice how different that feels than asking, “What’s wrong with me?” One question invites shame, while the other invites creative space for healing.
Jennifer Froemel
Where you can cross the bridge
Here is the essential piece: understanding alone doesn’t change or transform your life.
It is a crucial step onto the bridge that will take you back home to yourself, but it is only one piece of the journey.
Transformation only begins when you choose to respond differently!
Healing rarely arrives in an extraordinary moment: it grows through ordinary moments practiced with extraordinary compassion [for yourself].
Jennifer Froemel
Jennifer’s reflection
Look at yourself with the same kindness that you offer the people that you love, because healing begins when we become gentler with ourselves.
RESOURCES MENTIONED AND USEFUL LINKS
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ABOUT THE FEAR OF CHANGE PODCAST
Change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The Fear of Change podcast is all about helping you embrace change and live a more fulfilling life. Hosted by Jennifer Froemel, LCPC, a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience, we cover topics like mental wellness, holistic health, and improving relationships.
Jennifer’s down-to-earth approach makes it easy to understand why we fear change and how to move past those fears. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or just feeling stuck, there’s something here for you.
